2020 Newman Family Holiday Letter
by Noelle Newman
Dear Family and Friends,
Ladies and gentlemen: the names you are about to hear are true. Only the story has been changed to make it funny.
Wow, another year has gone by so quickly! The Newman’s are so blessed to have you as our family and friends, and though we have not kept in touch, unless you count the endless Facebook likes we give you, please know that you are in our thoughts and hearts through this not so wonderful year. We hope and pray you make it to 2021…alive. In the meantime, here’s how our year was better than yours!
This year, Paris and Noelle celebrated their anniversary at home because of these unpredictable trying times- old age. Our bones hurt.
Paris physically goes into work because it was determined he was an “essential worker” since he is the general manager at AMC movies. It really feels good to have job security with such a stable industry.
Noelle is blessed and lucky to still stay at home with the kids. Paris’ loves to joke that she is essentially on a paid vacation. She is still working as a prosecutor but home… all the time… with the kids… all the time. Noelle has since discovered the lost art of day drinking Prosecco and Gin. She was prescribed a medical marijuana card for her acute, chronic mothering. It’s a real thing!
Noelle, while sheltering in the same place for over 200 days, gained the loathed Covid-19 pounds, which all went to her waistline. But as the Newmans always say, a setback is a setup for plastic surgery! Unfortunately, Paris took a hit with some investments he made. He was before his time investing in Royal Caribbean, Golds Gym and a hookah lounge. If only his time wasn’t before that God Damn Corona. But we are confident he will get a return soon.
Meanwhile, we were blessed with a stimulus check, all of which went to a state-of-the-art Peloton bike. Game changer, right?! Noelle is doing an outstanding job using it daily to hang clothes and purses.
The kids are fine! Nilah, 6, and Greyson, 4, have displayed great strength with homeschooling. Virtual school is amazing. I mean, we would love to shake the hand of the man that thought of the genius idea of a virtual school for pre-kindergarteners and first graders. The skills they have learned are unbelievable. Greyson has learned to turn the camera off when it is time to answer the teacher and always has the camera in full view of his dad’s butt crack while in his boxers getting coffee. And Nilah is always taking the initiative, quick to volunteer how her mother said, “I am working my job that pays the bills, ask the damn teacher.” A really goody two shoes, our Nilah Bear.
As a reward for having such a good productive year, we treated ourselves to a vacation. So we took a road trip to Sesame Place, Pennsylvania! It felt great, like 2019, to just get a change of scenery. We didn’t mind the drive. In fact, the strangest thing occurred. We found a trash bag on the side of the road and curiosity got the best of us. In the bag there were folded pieces of paper that said Trump. We did what anyone would do with this discovery; we set it ablaze. You’re welcome!
We hope this catches you up on our lives! We only wish we had the time to check on yours, but as you can now tell, we don’t. Happy Holidays!
The Newmans
